For the past few years, I have been using alternative methods of healing to deal with being molested and verbally abused when I was young. I have found a few methods to bring real healing to me: to my spiritual body, to my emotional body, and hopefully soon, to my physical body. One of my favorites is hypnosis. It lets me get to the root of things, and make real change.
For those, who don’t understand, when we get sick, we become sick at levels that are outside of our physical bodies. It is only after time, when we don’t deal with or clear out things like stuck negative emotions such as fear, that the disease finally manifests in our physical bodies. Disease can also carry over from other lifetimes. I’ve seen this particularly with irrational fears.
So, what am I working on healing? I am working on healing my thyroid, my stomach, joint pain, and carrying a lot of extra weight. I am working on releasing a lot of fear that has been trapped in my body for years. I am working on forgiveness towards my mother and my older brother.
How’s it going? Actually, in the past 2 plus years, I have been fast tracked, and have done a lot of amazing healing. And a big chunk of this has been with the help of hypnosis and some talented hypnotherapists. This past spring, I made a commitment to myself to invest time, money, and energy on my healing work, using a hypnotherapist. The first few sessions, are what I see as a settling in period. She got to know me; I got to know her. And in late May and early June, we had a few sessions in particular that found some energy that was ready to move out. Some old, stuck, yucky, crap.
A more recent session began with my hypnotherapist and I talking about how I was feeling very down and depressed and self sabotaging for the past week or more, so we looked at what’s going on. She took me through her induction phase that got me all comfy and relaxed. In fact, sometimes I would get so relaxed that I’d almost fall asleep. But pretty soon, she was asking me questions, and I came back up enough to answer.
She started with a question and I tuned into myself to find the answer. As soon as I turned inward and tuned in, my stomach got very tight and hurt, and my heart was racing. There was fear and black tar like stuff in my stomach. It was awful. When we looked deeper, I saw that I was afraid of the boogie man: my older brother. I was about 5 and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Then she had me put a barrier between us. Next, she asked for a strong mother figure to step in and help me. I imagined my mother as she was when I was little, but not mentally ill. In my scenario, Mom protected me from my brother and looked at him, asking what’s wrong with that boy, for him to act the way he was acting. She decided that he needed a psychiatrist and eventually got my brother into counseling, where the counselor declared that yes, he was defective (this part was almost a bit cartoonish). As soon as that hit me- that my brother was defective, the waterfall of tears hit.
In hypnosis, I can begin to create scenarios in my mind, and then something will take over and connect dots, or create breakthroughs. It’s like an Aha Moment will happen. That’s what happened when I realized that when we were young, it was my brother that was defective and not me. It was my mother who was mentally ill, not me. It was the shit swirling around me, and the craziness I grew up in that was all fucked up. Not me.
As is so very common, when a child grows up in a dysfunctional home, they often (if not always) take on beliefs that they are somehow at fault. They are not enough. They are less than. They are defective. And even though I know, as an adult, that things were NOT my fault, to experience this epiphany at the subconscious level, in hypnosis, is a whole different ball of wax.
As soon as I had the intense realization, I was surrounded by my angels, guides, and family. I could sense this wonderful crowd of support surrounding me. Then black, yucky, horrible stuff started flying out of my stomach and my stomach began to fill with gold sparkly energy that was partly mine and partly from Jesus. Jesus stepped forward and held out his hands, telling me to hand him all my burdens, that he would take them all. (I bawled harder). He told me to leave nothing behind; that he would take it all. The black energy just flowed to him as I filled up with good stuff. This went on for a while, and I got the message that it would continue on for the rest of the day, until the process was complete.
The big message that came through loud and clear, other than the fact that I was not defective, was that I am a child of God. And as such, I am perfect. Yes, I have imperfections, but that’s just because I’m human, and people do stuff that isn’t perfect. It’s the message that the “I” that is “me” (I guess I’m talking about the I AM) is perfect. And that I don’t have to stuff “I am defective”, down my throat into my stomach any longer.
I know that a huge layer of healing happened that day. It affected my emotional eating in a positive way. And I have a feeling that my stomach got a big healing as well. Now I wait to see when this affects my physical body. In some instances, the effects of this sort of healing can move into the body immediately. (That’s when people say that a miracle has happened). But more often, it takes time. How much time? Who knows? A few weeks? A few months? At this point, it’s not mine to say, and I’m not even going to begin to guess. This is the part where I’ve done my work, and I give the rest to the universe, to God.
And in order to assist in and assure my resting, I recently broke my foot and had reparative surgery on it just a few days ago. I am required to sit with my foot elevated. And as I sit and rest, the healing energies are doing their thing. The universe works in mysterious ways!