Last fall (2014), I decided to take a walk on the wild side and investigate shamanic healing. I’ve used a variety of healing modalities and one consciousness technology, to facilitate shifts in myself so I feel better about life, but I’d never used a shamanic practitioner.
It turns out the acupuncturist who works at my doctor’s (naturopath) office is not only trained in Acupuncture and Chinese medicine, but also has trained as a shamanic practitioner (she corrected me when I called her a shaman). I arranged a healing session with her, and what we decided to do is called a Soul Retrieval Ceremony.
The premise is that as you go through life and are wounded, little bits of you or your soul become split off from the rest of you. When this happens, it affects you to your core. And what it does to a person is extremely varied. A Soul Retrieval Ceremony brings these pieces of your soul back to you, allowing you to be whole again. For anyone who as suffered from PTSD, I highly recommend this type of healing work. Even though I was never formally diagnosed with PTSD, I know I suffered from it. I once watched a show on TV where a soldier who returned from the Middle East was suffering deeply with PTSD. He was Native American and had a local Shaman perform a Soul Retrieval Ceremony with him. It helped him immeasurably.
During the ceremony itself, my shamanic practitioner had me lie on the floor, and stay present of mind. She did all of the “work.” She had a man drumming a beat for her, and she worked with tools like a rattle, a hawk’s wing, and some crystals. Before hand, we had talked about things I wanted to improve and things that were bothering me about my life, my relationship with my abusive brother being right up front. My brother and I were still working out estate issues from both of our parents’ estates at the time (they died within 10 months of each other), and being forced to deal with him was bringing up a lot of old anger and frustration in me.
Just to be clear about my brother, since we’ve grown up, are out on our own, and have families, he has never been sexually abusive to anyone else that I know of. He would never lay a hand on his daughter, for example. He and I have never had a close brother/ sister relationship and we never will. But we are generally cordial to one another. I don’t know exactly why his brain wiring let him think it was ok to repeatedly fuck his sister when he was a horny teenager (even when I told him not to), or why he felt he needed to dominate me as we were growing up, and I’m sure he has no clue. Although I believe it has to do with his feeling powerless and discovering that he could feel powerful by dominating me and taking my power. I’ve had more than one intuitive friend tell me that our mother (when she was manic) was sexually inappropriate (touching him inappropriately) with my brother when he was very little. I’m sure he doesn’t remember this.
With estate business forcing us to have to communicate and be in contact, it became clear to me that this was the time to work on my feelings about this relationship. Having to do business with my brother was painful and trying, and I’ve learned enough to know that there is nothing I can do to change him, so it’s me that needed to do the work in order for me to feel better.
During the Soul Retrieval Ceremony, pieces of my soul were returned to me. And a biggie for me was when I was told that I stepped outside of my brother’s dream bubble. In native tradition, the waking life that we all see as our very real life, is considered a dream. They consider the spirit world to be the real world.
I see a dream bubble as the soul contract my brother and I wrote before we incarnated for this lifetime. At the end of the ceremony, my soul basically said I’m done with this contract of my being dominated by my brother. I’m releasing whatever agreement we made, and I’m finished with it.
It took several weeks to fully integrate the new energy into my body and spirit, but what I’ve noticed here in my waking world, is that I am much less reactive towards my brother. He tends to be much slower of mind than I am, is not adept at decision-making or seeing below the surface of situations. I tend to think very quickly, process several things at the same time, and view people and situations from several angles and levels at the same time. Trying to get things done with this brother can feel like driving a four-cylinder car with two cylinders not firing, when I’m used to a smoothly running V-8. This can set me off, but not so much these days. And I’ve noticed that he’s been a little bit more communicative, more willing to talk about family business things, than before. I spent decades, literally, being angry, and I know that it only hurt me.
This process of cutting energetic ties between us allows me to have more peace in my heart. It allows me to stand more solidly on my two feet, and at a soul level helps my brother as well. I learned that before I was born, he and I created a soul agreement to do this dance, with the goal for me of being able to rise above, heal, and in doing so, create big expansion for my soul’s growth. If you want to learn more about soul agreements, I highly recommend the work of Robert Schwartz (http://www.yoursoulsplan.com/). I actually discovered this soul agreement stuff years back, but just discovered Robert Schwartz’s books recently. His information is in complete agreement from what I’ve learned from personal experience.
More importantly than this soul level stuff (at least for me in there here and now), I feel better about myself and my life.