How To Create Boundaries When You Have None

A very huge step in healing an abusive childhood, has been learning about personal boundaries, and creating them.

Because of how my life was set up from the beginning, I had no personal boundaries as a child, and even well into adulthood I had few. When as a little child you learn that if you exert your independence in any way, you might metaphorically get your head chopped off, you learn to not trust yourself. You learn that you are not ok, not enough, and that there is something wrong with you. You learn to stay on guard, for fear of being attacked. You keep your defenses up, and because of needing to stay in survival mode, a sense of self, self-worth and self-confidence doesn’t develop.

One of the powerful hypnotherapy sessions I had back in March 2014 that helped create personal boundaries, was one where I examined body image. I’ve had other sessions since this one that have helped strengthen my sense of self-worth and boundaries, but this was the first one that I experienced.

During hypnotherapy sessions with my soul-directed hypnotherapist, after having a short discussion on what I wanted to work on, she would relax me and guide me through a journey.  On this day, I decided to work on body image (which was poor).

Growing up, I didn’t have any women in my life to model healthy body image. My mother was always dissatisfied with her body, always on a diet, feeding me the message that she was overweight and not ok. I took that message into my little body and by the time I was 13, I joined Mom on the dieting bandwagon. For the record, my mother was not overweight, and neither was I, back then.

After putting me into deep relaxation, I was guided to hover above a timeline of my life and go back to a time where I first had an issue with my body (or dieting). I popped back to eight years old. Someone told me I was fat; probably my older brother, teasing me. Feeling sad and confused, I really took it in. Then, I was directed to have my current day adult me go talk to my eight-year-old self. I told my young self that she was absolutely perfect just as she was – she was not fat at all. And, that she had a great, strong body that was just right. When the young me heard that, she became very happy and joyful. She gained confidence and strength. I actually saw her aura pop out from her body, signifying that she developed a sense of self and some personal boundaries. She really felt good about herself.

Then, I was prompted to move forward in time to the next time I didn’t feel so great about my body. I was 13 and had gotten my period and was not sure about all of these changes in my developing body. I was very unsure about my new curves and boobs and period. I didn’t feel confident at all about myself, and was confused with all of the changes. When my older self talked to my 13 year-old self, I reassured her that the changes she was going through were very normal and natural, and that she had a great body that was very pretty, that she was cute, and everything was just as it was supposed to be. I told her that she would get used to her new body and that it was a great body. With the reassurance, I noticed that the 13 year-old me became very grounded and centered. The feeling was that nothing could knock her over. All she needed was reassurance from me. Her confidence soared.

Then, I moved forward to when I was barely 15 and just had my daughter. The 15 year-old felt completely ruined in every way. She felt physically ruined, emotionally ruined, just ruined. I told her that she had been through a tough time and got a bad deal, but that she was awesome and perfect. And, because she was only 15, her body would come back to being a cute teenage body with a little bit of healthy eating and exercise. Yes, she will always have the stretch marks, but that’s OK because she brought a beautiful little girl into the world. A little girl who would make a couple into a family, who would raise her well and that she would be happy. I also reminded her that she did NOTHING wrong. It was NOT her fault. At first, the 15-year-old got really mad, mad at the perpetrator who molested her, because he had ruined her perfect body. She was pissed!! It took a while, but she slowly came around to the idea that her body was great, and that she totally rocked. She was able to see that she did get her cute body back after some healthy eating and exercise and that it was a great, strong body. Finally, she felt awesome about herself.

Then, my hypnotherapist had the energies of the various me’s roll up the timeline and join in with present-day me. I felt the confidence and strength of the other me’s, and it felt more confident than present-day me. As the energy of each me moved forward up the timeline, I received a message from them. First, the eight-year-old, who had been waiting a very long time for her knight in shining armor to come riding in to save her, when all along, she realized, it was the adult me that she was waiting for. She was in tears with gratitude, thanking me for saving her. Then, the thirteen-year-old expressed her thanks to me for coming back and rescuing her as well. More tears. Finally, the fifteen-year-old was filled with love and gratitude that I had finally come back and saved her as well. Her message also included, “What took you so long?” Tears and laughter.

Once the transformed energies of the past merged into present time, I clairvoyantly got the message: “You don’t need food anymore. You have all of the me’s holding you up, keeping you strong.” What a powerful message.

From there, my hypnotherapist reinforced all of the positive, new thoughts and beliefs, rewriting my past and rewiring my brain.

I have learned that with each session, I clear away old, trapped energies. And, in doing so, change happens. It’s a process. Over time, small and even not-so-small shifts begin to add up. These days, I truly appreciate how amazing my body is; all of the things it does for me without my thinking about them. And, that it is designed as a self-healing, divine vessel for my beautiful soul so that I can experience this life I have.

Progress that I’ve seen in myself since this session over a year ago is now living with the knowing that I am amazing. The things I can do with regards to healing and transmuting energy are incredible. I now feel the brilliant light inside me, shining out. Yes, some days are tough, but on the whole, my sense of self is dramatically different.

I know that I am a little spark, an actual piece of the divine I call God. I am a bit that is experiencing contrast, expansion, pain, suffering, joy, happiness, love, sadness, frustration, and so much more because that’s why we are here on earth in a human body. Because I recognize the God in me, I now have pretty healthy boundaries where I value and cherish myself. I take care of myself, recharge my batteries, love myself, value myself, and appreciate myself. Because of this, I am mindful of my energetic self (as much as I can be) and do not give away everything I am and have. It is not loving to give yourself away to where you are drained dry. It is loving to stand by someone in support and just be there for them while they sort their life out (or not). That’s their journey, not yours. The love that we have for ourselves comes first, because if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else. It begins in your heart and emanates outwards to people around you and to the world.

Here’s a quick little exercise to see how you’re doing. Look into a mirror, into your eyes and say, “I deeply and truly love you.” You are talking to yourself, your soul and to God. Did you hear anything in your head? Was there a response from your subconscious? I used to get a clear response. It was, “Bullshit.” Not much love there. When I do that same exercise today, I receive positive responses. What an amazing transformation. And it shows in all aspects of my life; how I feel about myself, how I treat myself, and how I expect to be treated by others. And the process goes on!

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