Tag Archives: verbal abuse

Creating a Healing Miracle

Just over 20 years ago, I experienced my first bout of heartburn. It was a time of intense stress. Over the next few years, it became chronic, necessitating taking antacids and acid blockers pretty regularly. After about a decade or so, heartburn developed into full-blown acid reflux (when stomach contents breach the sphincter muscle at the top of the stomach and go up into the throat). And after downing bottles of antacids, I started taking omeprazole, an acid blocker, on a daily basis. I stopped taking it a few times and every time I did, the reflux returned with a vengeance, waking me in the middle of the night, gagging on my stomach contents, with my sinuses burning from stomach acid.

Five years ago, I saw a gastroenterologist who scoped my throat and stomach, to make sure I wasn’t developing precancerous cells in my esophagus or any stomach issues. Other than an irritated stomach lining, everything was ok, and I was told that I could take omeprazole every day, for as long as I needed it (potentially, for the rest of my life). I’d been using it for a few years then. At that moment, I knew that I would take the medicine to control the problem until I could find a way to heal it.

Two months ago, I finally found a way to heal it and get off the meds. I had a hypnotherapy session about it with my wonderful soul directed hypnotherapist.

After going through the induction phase of the hypnotherapy session to get my monkey-brain quieted down, I was relaxed and focused. As we began, I was directed to picture a ball of light over my head; energetic light that was intelligent and healing. The light shined down onto me, bathing me with the energies.

Next, I was directed to ask a guide to come forward to assist me on my journey. This time one of my healing guides, John The Baptist, stepped forth. His attitude was “let’s get this show on the road! Let’s kick some butt! Let’s go do this thing!” John and I were directed to go to the part of the body that we needed to go to. It wasn’t specified how to get there, so it took a few minutes to figure out whether we were going to walk there or to get in some sort of vehicle. Finally I decided we’d hop into a space shuttle type of flying craft. When it came time to go, I couldn’t seem to make us leave. The more I tried, the more we just didn’t go. I tried asking myself a few questions to help get the ball rolling, but I soon realized that resistance had come up. So, I said that for some reason, I was resisting this process.

I was directed to look at the resistance to see if I could figure out what it was about. Then I saw a young, little me who was afraid. She said that if she was ok then no one would rescue her, and she felt that she needed to be rescued. As she was letting her feelings out, she stepped out from what felt like a cave of darkness, but it also felt like a dark closet. All I know for sure is that she had been trapped in darkness. As soon as she was out of the dark, she felt like the sun was shining on her and she opened out her arms to soak up the warmth and light.

Once that happened, several other little ones opened their closet doors and one by one came out of their darkness into the light. All they needed was to be allowed to come out of the darkness, back into the light; having that permission, they began to come out. More and more of them started coming out. Then more “knowing” popped into my mind: when I was very little and my mentally ill mother would verbally assault me, a tiny piece of me would go into darkness. It would go into a dark closet and shut the door.

The scene shifted and I saw a knife that would plunge into my chest at these times of assault, filling my stomach with knife wounds. As this healing was happening, the little bits of me were coming out of darkness (out of their closets) and into the light again.

Then I saw each one of them go to their wound in my stomach – the wound they correlated to – and kneel down, putting their hands on it. Sending healing energy of love, they each healed their wound. I saw the inside of my stomach with all these little bits of me on hands and knees, healing with their hands, sending love.

As more and more of these little ones came out of their dark spaces, I encouraged them, calling for every one of them to come out and rejoin me. I didn’t want even one to be left behind. As that process was well under way, I started to progress in age. Pretty soon I was looking more like a grown up, in my early twenties. I encouraged all of the bits of me that had been in the dark to come out, and they did, and they healed their wounds in my stomach as well. Then I knew that it was a rolling, moving, evolving healing where I aged, and the pieces of me that were split off in darkness rejoined the light and came back to me, healing my stomach in the process. After a while I reached my current age of 50.

Then I called out (like at the end of a game of hide and seek when you want to collect everyone back) olly olly oxen free! Everyone come back – especially you little ones. Everyone out of the dark! I got the message that this healing of my stomach is a process, but it won’t take very long.

Then the party music came in and I saw my stomach as vibrant and happy. I heard conga music and my stomach was pulsing with the music; as close to dancing as it could get. It felt very strong and confident, with the knowledge that it was functioning as it was supposed to be with everything just fine. All systems and processes were perfect again. The happiness it felt was not giddy, bubbly, silly, but rather a calm, confident and very strong one. Very grounded feeling.

I looked over at John the Baptist and he was beaming at me, telling me I was awesome, had done great, that I’m amazing, and the like. I felt that yes, I’m amazing (as we all are). I then saw beams of light coming from the ball of light directly to my stomach, repatterning the energy of it, making sure it’s completely healed. That was the energy of God working on it.

Soon after that, I noticed that my chest area was very calm, serene and happy. Before that, I hadn’t really noticed very much, but it must have been tight, felt upset and definitely not ok. It was now exceedingly ok and relaxed.

After this session, I had six days left of a two-week packet of medicine, so when it was gone I did not open a new pack. After missing one day’s meds, heartburn started to come back. It was then that I remembered that it can take a while for the energetic shift to be fully integrated into the body.

I decided to take a few more packets of meds and stop them when my life wasn’t a complete stress ball. During the first few weeks off meds, I experienced absolutely no discomfort or symptoms of heartburn or reflux. And I did not change my diet at all. Then, I did have some incidences of mild heartburn for a while, which I treated by drinking a cup of water with a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar with immediate relief. It’s been over two months since this healing session and my reflux has not returned. The heartburn is occurring less and less and as my body continues to heal, the heartburn is soon become a thing of the past.

Nothing was done to get rid of reflux other than having this extraordinary healing session. No dietary change or weight loss. Nothing. After about seven years on daily acid blocking medication, I am healed of acid reflux!

A year ago, I healed myself of Type 2 diabetes. Now acid reflux. Next, I will work on healing my thyroid in the hopes of getting off or at least severely reducing the need for thyroid medicine. Energy healing has helped me heal emotional/ relationship issues and physical ones. It creates true miracles.

Anatomy of Being a Victim

This is my experience of being a victim. It may look familiar to you, or not. Everyone’s experience is different. However, some things do ring true for many people.

I came into this life a victim. It was part of my life’s plan. One of the lessons I chose to experience in this lifetime, was to experience pain and a host of other unpleasant things, with the goal of learning compassion and forgiveness. How did I discover this? With the help of some amazing alternative healing modalities and people. I have used hypnosis to uncover information that is deep in my unconscious mind. And psychics have assisted in my being able to see both my past and the dynamics that were going on between me and various family members. At this point you might think I’m nuts, and if I read this 5 years ago, I would think I was nuts. But today, I know better.

So, my childhood, from the outside, looked like any other upper middle class experience. I went to a good school and did well academically. I had opportunities to learn musical instruments, play sports, go to summer camp, and spend vacations at a small family cottage near water and go boating. People equate money and means with a good life.

But what they didn’t see was a painfully shy little girl, for whom new experiences were very nerve-wracking. I had exactly one best friend. My older brother routinely put me to the test, seeing what things he could make me do that I didn’t want to do. He knew that I would keep any and all secrets he asked of me. And my mother would swing from being unavailable, as a mother, when she was depressed; to verbally assaulting me when she would swing up to being manic. It wasn’t until I was 16 that she was diagnosed as bipolar. Dad worked Monday through Friday and would come home to belt down two stiff martinis, no doubt to make living with my mother more palatable.

If you live with the threat of being verbally attacked when you least expect it, whenever you exert your opinion or any shred of self-advocacy, you learn to stuff everything down inside. You learn to read the moods of your attacker so incredibly keenly that you know just from the energy waves in the air if you need to run, duck and cover, or if it’s safe to exist in the same space as her. Most people who experience this type of childhood are extremely empathic, having honed their gift from years of living on the edge.

When you live with an adult who is often at the edge of sanity, and they tell you you’re wrong about things, as a child you learn to not trust yourself, or that little voice in the back of your head. You don’t trust your intuition, and you give away all your power. You have no boundaries. You become a doormat. Because of feeling powerless, everything that is wrong in your life is because of everything outside of you. They did that to me. He did that to me. She did that to me. It’s all their fault. I’m just the victim here. There is nothing I can do about anything, because yada, yada, yada (still giving all my power away). You get my drift.

My childhood was perfectly set up to mold me into a victim. To strip away any self-esteem. To fill me with shame. To make sure that any time I tried to have any power, I’d be sliced and diced with a Ginsu knife tongue, so I wouldn’t try that again. At least not until I grew up a bit. This is how I became the victim.

Welcome To My Story of Healing

Welcome to my place. It’s a place I have created, where I can write my truth. It might not be your truth, even if you have shared similar life experiences. But who knows? I go by Persephone because that is the name of one of my healing guides. She is gentle, loving, and lives in her truth. I have been working on living a life of authenticity, learning about myself and how I fit into this thing they call the universe.

My life began some forty something years ago, but my story goes back even further. In fact, it goes back several lifetimes. But for my purposes today, I’ll talk about what I learned during a hypnosis session about four years ago.

But first, a quick explanation about hypnosis. It is one of the healing modalities that I have used with success. It is a state of being relaxed and focused. When you are hypnotized, you can not do anything you don’t want to do, and you can get up and walk around and open your eyes at any time. Ever drive down a road and space out for a while, not really remembering the past several miles? That is a state of hypnosis. Another thing about hypnosis is that when your conscious mind is quiet, and the subconscious mind is brought forth, it can’t lie. Yes, you are open to suggestion, but the subconscious can not lie. That’s why a good hypnotist (or hypnotherapist- I use the term interchangeably) will not ask leading questions or suggest answers to questions they have asked.

Back to an illuminating hypnosis session. I was seeing this hypnotherapist with the goal of losing weight. His education taught him that behind compulsive eating, is a misbelief. And the route to find this misbelief is through our emotions. So, I would go into a session and we’d talk about a situation that brought up an emotional trigger that sent me bingeing. In hypnosis, he would ask me to connect with that feeling, that trigger, and to go back in time to the first time I ever felt it.

This one day, I regressed back to when I was a little 3 month old baby in my crib. I was crying for my mother, who wasn’t coming to soothe me. She was in the house, but left me to cry. I could sense that she was unable to deal with me at the time, so she just let me cry. At the time, she was bipolar and undiagnosed. When the hypnotherapist asked me if this feeling was new or familiar, I said it was familiar. Because I had felt it before, this was not the initiation of the feeling. He regressed me further back.

One stop was in the birth canal. Had to go further back again. I was in the womb and scared like crazy to be born. Had I bitten off more than I could chew? Went back again and was aware of being in a hazy, floaty waiting area. Waiting to be born. Had to go back yet again, and was popped into a small room where I was standing with my Spirit Guide, planning the life that I was about to enter into.

In a moment, I realized that before we are born, we plan lessons into our life. We strive to learn these lessons through our lifetime. And I also realized that when we die, we pass back to this other side and review the life we just lived, to see how we did. Did we learn the lessons? If not, what parameters can we change in our next life, so we might have a better chance to learn them. We judge ourselves. There is no external figure, such as how most people see God, that sits in judgement of us. The Bible got it wrong. This is my truth.

The lesson that was revealed to me that day was that I had wanted to feel “the pain of all humanity so I would be able to empathize better with people. And if I could empathize with them, then I could help them better.” That was what I got. And in order to feel a lot of pain in life, I decided to make an agreement with the soul who would be my mother, that she would be mentally ill (bipolar) and would verbally lash out at me throughout our lifetime together, when she was manic. And because of her mental illness, she would not really be there for me a lot of the time. I also made an agreement with the soul who would be my older brother, that he would be predatory towards me during our childhoods, and that this would evolve into sexual abuse. I made agreements with other souls to participate in my life in the capacity of other family members and close friends, but they weren’t abusive towards me. One brave, loving soul agreed to be in my life for just a short time, being born to me as my daughter, the product of molestation. She was given up for adoption.

Once the misbelief was uncovered, my hypnotherapist asked me, with my adult wisdom, if I still needed to feel all that pain. Had I gotten that lesson yet? The answer I got was that I had learned the lesson, and didn’t need to feel that level of pain any longer. In that moment, something in me shifted. To make sure change had happened, the hypnotherapist moved me forward in time, to each of the stops I had made when I was regressing me backward. At every stop, my feelings of fear, dread, sadness, and the physical tightness in my body that had accompanied these feelings, were gone. In their place was joy, happiness, and a new lightness of being. One layer of the proverbial onion had been peeled away and healed. Many more to go.